“110987 #CairoConfessions #CC #CCRelationship Mood:🔵
Is love supposed to be this hard ? Some days I feel like I can touch the stars, other days I feel worthless. We’ve been together for more than 4 yrs and still can’t figure him out. I told him many times to let me in. He knows my insecurities, my fears and my flaws but in return I know a little abt him, the real him. He has a massive wall around himself and im getting tired of trying to break it. All I want is help him to make his life easier, I want to share his burden but he won’t let me. I can’t see this but a trust issue. He doesn’t trust me, I told him so and he said he trust me in a ways he never did before. I’m losing faith in our relationship, afraid that one day I’ll wake up and leave. I really want him to be happy but don’t know if im the right one to do so. He said he loves me but if he does why he won’t let me in!! I invest a big deal of me in this relation, im afraid that one day I’ll find myself empty. I’m Icarus to his sun and he’ll burn me. Yet I don’t want to leave bc maybe, just maybe, im close to succeed. But what if I’m not? What if I’m just consuming my energy, my life in vain. Am I romanticize a f****** up relation or there’s hope for ours. I don’t know What to do..
Tagged: #Rant #RandomFeeling”
“110990 #CairoConfessions #CC #CCLoneliness Mood:🔵
Dear, how do I tell you that what I’m going through now a days. I’m feeling so incomplete may be without you. Nothing is going good with me.
I’m keeping fasts & performing Salah but even then. I don’t know why Allah is not happy with me. May be I’m the biggest sinner in this world or even Allah doesn’t like me anymore as like others.
What should I do & how to be OK.? I’m just trying to keep breathing anyhow.
I need you this for sure but perhaps you don’t need me anymore.
Comeback please comeback to me in my arms, you’re my soul.
We both need each other & each others love. ;(
Tagged: #Rant #Pain #Truth #Guilt #Lie”
“110991 #CairoConfessions #CC #CCConfusion Mood:🔵
My depression started in middle school. I guess I was pretty sad even tho I had a very large group of friends and had like no real problems. Is that even possible? To get depressed without a valid reason?. I used to self harm too and I tried to do once but I chickened out last minute. But I’ve been better these last 2 years I’ve been trying to block out the voice in my head but it’s getting loud again and I don’t know what to do. I’m lost.
It feels like I can’t open up to anyone because I don’t know what to say or how to describe it, I don’t feel that it’s relevant enough to mention how sometimes I just don’t want to exist because I don’t have a reason for that. If someone were to describe my life it would be successful and good I’ve had no major problems throughout my life so why do I feel this way? That I’m so empty inside and idek why I exist?
“111001 #CairoConfessions #CC #CCRelationship Mood:🔵
I’m falling in love with my best friend.
She won’t like that she doesn’t believe in love and considering it horseshit no such thing is called love or true love. And i didn’t intended to do so in the first place she was just a friend a good one i didn’t have thoughts of falling in love with her at all.
I mean come on, we knew each other for a year now and we discussed nearly everything in each other’s lives and still, those silly thoughts come to me to occupy my mind. I don’t want that to happen it’s just wrong, yet i feel it and it bothers me.
I’m almost definite that she would hate me for saying such thing to her as she considering me her best Friend and ask my help whenever she needs help, talks to me whenever she wants to vent anything or share happy moments or everything. I believe that she is doing so out of friendship and just that. So i feel that it’s so wrong what I’m facing now. I’m trying not to consider these thoughts for real and they’re just nonsense feelings out of a very close friendship. But every time i fight it, it gets stronger and stronger till last night i dreamed of her a really lovely dream that i will never be able to forget my feeling then.
I don’t know what to do i don’t have any idea what’s gonna happen if i told her i don’t know what’s gonna happen next.. I’m not sure of doing that I’m just not.
What should I do it’s getting out of control and i can’t focus %100 on anything because of these thoughts.
Tagged: #Guilt #Pain”
“111006 #CairoConfessions #CC #CCSelfEsteem Mood:🔵
Today I cried my eyes out for several hours without stopping. And now I have a severe headache.My father told me that he doesn’t give a f*** about my graduation.Nobody wants to come to my graduation ceremony. Why do I feel that whatever achievements I do are worthless and have no value at all.
“111011 #CairoConfessions #CC #CCLoneliness Mood:🔵
This is just a pretty messy rant. I’m pretty sure no one can actually help me. So, I’m sad and depressed all the time. I try to be happy and laugh at jokes and be social and meet new people and make friends but I can never stop feeling sad. I hate my life the way it is but I don’t have the energy or fight in me to actually change it. I feel like I’m lost in this world. My days are the same and the routine of it just makes want to scream. I feel lonely and that feeling is fueled by the feeling that I’m not good enough for anyone, that no one could actually ever love me for me. It’s stupid that I see the beauty in everyone around me but fail to see it in myself. Sometimes I feel like the ugliest, most mundane person that have ever lived. I don’t wish to continue with this life anymore. A few weeks ago I wanted to go see the new avengers movie that I have been literally dying to see but then I found out that I have no one to go with me. I went alone and I just felt pathetic. I spend my days talking to no one. I’m important to no one. Nobody even remembered my eighteenth birthday, I think that day was the most lonely I have ever felt in my life. Why am not anyone’s first choice? Why am I not anyone’s best friend? I don’t have a reason to wake up in the morning and every day has become a struggle. I hate what I’m studying in college, I have no talents or gifts to give my life a bit of a meaning. You know what, I’m done. I’m sleepwalking through life and I’m sure it won’t make any difference if I’m not here anymore. I’m just so tired and I want some peace.
“111012 #CairoConfessions #CC #CCConfusion Mood:🔵
I haven’t written in two years now, since the first time , and the last time, that i really opened up for someone.
I went about it wrong. I miss interpreted myself and the things i wanted to say. I was trying to help myself but at the same time, somehow, ended up misleading the real story. I was shaken by the intensity of what i thought i had done, at the time.
It blurred my judgment. I ended up hurting myself and probably, the person i opened up to.
Though it’s not entirely my fault, He made the choice to leave all needs unmet and left me talking to myself at night, wondering why i went through it the way i did. why I made myself sound horrible when I know I am not a horrible person.
why i let myself be called a horrible person. and not defend myself. at all.
I feel that what i am looking for and that all i care about most in this world is something that I will never be entitled to have.
that it doesn’t even exist. That it exists but is never reachable because you will never overcome the circumstances, things no one has control over. and If i did had control, i’d need someone to be the same, someone who shares the same longing for authenticity. And that just seems like too much.
I really thought i had found you, that we had found each other. and I stay up every other night thinking that we slipped off each other’s hands. That we really did find each other and let go too soon.
My mind is so busy, and my heart feels like its pumping blood from a all different blood types and races.
I’m sorry this all doesn’t make any sense, i lost the ability to write probably, and to express myself.
“111014 #CairoConfessions #CC #CCConfusion Mood:🔵
I’m lost, actually it’s the first thing came across my mind when I started writing this. My dreams are pretty simple, yet so hard to achieve where I live.
Anxiety is one of my friends, actually could be my best friend. I lived with it for years and years, wasting opportunities and journeys that could have changed my life. Now, I’m lost, not knowing what’s coming for me, drawn to a series of life events I have no control upon, life events which are like a guideline written for me that I have to follow, but I don’t want to follow it, yet I can’t get out of the predefined path for me. It drives me crazy. I’m not happy with what I have to go through in this country, from a college I didn’t like to military service to a job that I won’t like for some pennies that won’t even be enough to live a decent life, I’m afraid of the future, I’m afraid I won’t be able to do I want and what makes me fulfilled. I’m gonna graduate next July and I’m not ready for what comes next, I’m mentally tired that I just need to travel anywhere for a while leaving everything behind, Oh, I forgot, I don’t even have money for this simple desire. I started to doubt if it’s gonna get better, maybe that’s how my life is and will be, a miserable, lonely, and sad life.
I’m crushed internally and externally, and with all of that, I have to pretend being fine and keep going in the predefined path. I’m lost.
Tagged: #Truth #Pain #Dream #Guilt”
“111016 #CairoConfessions #CC #CCFamily Mood:🔵
let’s start by saying i was living a really wonderful life and having a happy family things got pretty bad my dad became sick and died and a year after, my mom died. I was still in 6th grade so i had to live with one of my relatives i was okay with it they were loving. About 2 years ago everything changed they became so careless about everything about me. I felt excluded from the family they started shouting at me at anything, And it hurts so much. I mean i never asked God to do all of these to me. I just can’t deal with it. I cant deal with the fact that my life would have been better if my parents were still alive. These thoughts are killing me. How can i cope with all of that? Please help me
Tagged: #Pain #RandomFeeling”
“111027 #CairoConfessions #CC #CCLoneliness Mood:🔵
I dont know what wrong with me, I don’t get excited about things that used to make me so happy. Im so lonely all the time, and the 2 closest people to me are too busy, and i don’t blame them but I feel like I need to talk, yet i have nothing to say. I feel empty, and I’m running to food for comfort… then being disgusted by myself for being this weak victim to whatever is happening to me. What should i do to get out of this cycle? I mean, am I ever going to break this cycle?!